rebel girl.

preschool:

- my deviant behavior began at a tender age. there was this girl who had really nice, silky, smooth light brown pigtail braids who sat in front of me every day. i had very frizzy, dark brown, unruly pigtail braids. i did not like her braids. okay, i was jealous of her braids. and she was just so smug. okay so one day, i couldn't take it anymore, and i grabbed my scissors (those little plastic jobs with the strips of dull metal in them and the huge handles) and i reached out and cut off the bottom part of her braid, the part that extended past the rubber band. boy, did i catch hell... but i can't say it didn't feel amazing.

- one day on the like slide-apparatus (one of those contraptions where you climb up into a fort type thing and there were different ropes and slides from which to descend, and a shaky wooden bridge connecting two sides) i was being especially hyper and excited. as i was about to go down a slide, i turned, laughing, mouth open, and ran smack into a smaller girl. unfortunately, my little front teeth went right into her forehead (yes, i was a giant even in preschool) and she had two little teeth marks in her forehead. well, my teacher yanked me from the slide, and proceeded to bascially call me a dog, and ask if she needed to put me on a leash, since i liked to bite people. even at the time, i knew she was being a little ridiculous, and perhaps even abusive, because it was clearly an accident. no one would ever try to bite someone's forehead. if i had really wanted to bite her, i would have grabbed her arm and chewed. whatever.

fourth grade:

- my mom had been a girl scout leader at my school for a couple of years, so i thought i was kind of the bomb. this particular school year, she did the wise thing and chose not to waste her time w/g. scouts. i continued to do it, because my parents wanted me to have something to do after school. the new troop leader did not care for me. this was the beginning of my chatty phase (which has lasted about sixteen years) and i would not shut up in troop meetings. finally, one day about two weeks into the new season (or whatever you call it), the troop leader kept be after the meeting and asked me not to return. basically, i got kicked out of girl scouts. she said i was too loud and she could not control me or something. i went home and told my parents "you know, i'm over girl scouts. can i take art classes?" dodged a bullet there.

eighth grade:

- i was always a sucker for a cute boy, and, being the nerd that i was, i quickly and thoughtlessly would hand over my notes and homework to any boy who asked for them in junior high. well, in junior high, the boy was some puerto rican wannabe tagger named peter. he was a classic delinquent, but extremely gorgeous. i was the best history student in our grade, and he knew i drooled over him, so he asked me for my history notes and homework, and i gladly handed them over. i don't quite know how he found out, but my history teacher, mr. bishop, approached me a couple of days later and yelled at me for giving "that loser" (his words) my shit. he threatened to turn me in to the principal, give me a lower grade on the next test, etc. i still don't know how he found out - i think the kid did miraculously better on a quiz or something and mr. bishop grilled him about it or something.

...needless to say, i did win the history award again, second year in a row. i was really nervous about not getting it after that debacle. good grief. i was such a nerd.

high school:

- my junior year, i became really, really restless and rebellious. (well... as rebellious as you can get at an all-girls catholic prep school). in my ap us history class, i had a love/hate relationship with my teacher, ms. littleton. she was an admitted bipolar manic depressive, but she usually loved me. however, during the semester, i started becoming a little too chatty. and she would scold me for it in front of everyone. and then, when anyone talked, even three rows away, i would get blamed for it. i began talking back to her, being a real bitch and insinuating she was crazy. then, one day, i had it. the bell rang for lunch, but she was still talking. i had already packed up my shit, so i just got up and started walking out. i don't like people wasting my time. BOY was that the wrong mofo thing to do. sounds relatively harmless, but my school was proper as hell. she kept me after class, yelled at me, called me disrepestful and offering to throw me out of class, blah blah blah. a couple of weeks later, on my report card, her comments in the *optional* comment section were "reckless, even disruptive" and i got a "needs improvement" in attitude. nice.


i guess i never really recaptured the glory of chopping off some girl's hair in preschool. nothing could ever really top that. i was basically a nerd who talked a lot and developed major attitude problems in high school. what's not to love.

yoho! an update

i woke up way early this morning and was lounging in bed trying to go back to sleep when r. called me. thought about letting it go to voicemail but i picked up against my better judgement. first things out of her mouth: i don't want you to tell me "i told you so!!" even tho i really wanted to say "i can't believe you boned that cheeseball!"

apparently things w/ leather leg-clad g. went awry and she called me to bitch about it. called ME. to bitch about it. and then asked me what she should do. and then said she wished we lived closer so we could hang out more and we could pop over to each other's apartments whenever.

i want to live near you so you can snake my potential dates and then cry on my shoulder about it when shit blows up in your face. yes, that's a great idea.

all work and no play

* in kindergarten i punched my best friend tessa in the stomach and had to apologize in front of the whole class.

* in 3rd grade i got kicked out of class for humming.

* in 6th grade i got kicked out of class because someone threw a book at me.

* we had this substitute teacher we hated. she was short and had assymmetrical nostrils and had a horrible annoying voice and talked to us like we were 5. we knew she was coming one day so we made up a schedule. at certain times during the class we'd do shit like bang our desks. or start the wave. or start a unified coughing fit. we made her cry. i don't think any of us felt bad tho.

* in high school i used to sneak out during 7th period bio to meet my friends in the bathroom to snort ritalin. we also used to go to the boiler room by the baseball field to smoke cigarettes. and try to sneak out past the guards when we had mid-day free periods to eat tapsilog at the tindahan right outside school.

* my friends and i made an underground zine that basically talked shit about everyone. and we talked shit about one of our close friends (who didn't know it was us) so as to deflect blame. he got pissed and asked me and another friend (co-conspirators) to start a counter zine. lawdy.

* we hated this one junior girl. i found a love letter she wrote to someone in our class. my friends made about a hundred copies and put it up all over the cafeteria.

* 7-11 was right outside school - we'd get slurpees, dump some tanduay rum in it and bring it back into school.

* in college we smoked weed everywhere: right in the middle of the soccer field in broad daylight, midnight in the dugout, in our dorm rooms. i didn't even bother w/ the dryer sheets + tp tube. i think i wanted to get kicked out.

* i worked at a lot of restaurants. i'd steal whippets out of the supply closet. drink on the job. show up drunk. etc.


eh. not so exciting.

Summer Break. For Life.

it's blazin hot out lately.
in honor of the season we all used to look forward to, but now complain about, we're going to look back at why we all couldn't wait for summer: school.
The topic specifically:


your favourite trouble-making activities during school.
whether that be a repeated action you had a habit of doing or a one-time thing.
what did you do at school that would/could get you in trouble?
we got some class clowns up in this don't we?

Shout Out

Sluts So Real

finally..

took forever for me to finally contribute to the topic that I proposed..anyway heres one for a warm up...

literally BLOWN UPT.

sorry b..just had to...


more on a different story later..

RE: RE: yoho!

yup! and it's $20 for lunch. supposedly not all things
on the menu will be out, but since it's a very good
way of promoting themselves, then what usually happens
is the other way around :D i'm sure it's gonna be
fun!!! :D there is a blackout in my neihgbourhood
since last night. my apt, the one below me and the one
across from me still have low lights but the rest are
out. CRAZY!!!!! x(( such an unnecessary thing to
happen in the summer, don't you think??????

1. hey guess what, they never throw the whole menu on a prix fixe menu.
2. and guess what else, that big blackout in 03? that was pretty much caused by all the motherfuckers in the northeast blasting their a/c 24/7.
CRAZY!!!!!!

let's see how long i can keep this up.

yoho!

why do i need to know all this again?

Alexis, sorry i haven't gotten a chance to call you :(
how are you feeling now? better i hope.
i'm not feeling so well actually, the weather has been
awful and then to make it worse, it's always freezing
at work and the subways and everywhere else *sigh* for
some reason, drastic climate change makes me sicker
than ever x((

so anyway, on saturday i got to Nata's place
[valbella] right at midnight. i was planning to get
there at 11, but i got caught up with some friends at
the Beer garden in Astoria. and then Keia, Kelli and
their friend [i forgot her name] arrived about 15
minutes after me. and then we went to a bar close by
called Highline and spent the whole night there. 2 of
Nata's co-workers came out with us as well
[bartenders] and Glenn and Aram and his girlfriend
[Nata's friends as well] came out later. which i had
no idea how they found out where we were but i assumed
Aram must've called Nata because i didn't call Glenn
and all he knew was that I was with Nata at her
workplace.

anyway we had fun! :D i'm sorry you missed it though.
Keia and Kelli looked good as always, Kelli lost a lot
of weight and so excited about getting married
hakhkahkakh she said she's fallen in love with this
guy at first sight 5 years ago *aww* so his name is
Dylan but we don't know if he's white or black or
hispanic. he's from Staten Island originally and
they've been dating for a year and a half before he
popped out the question, but they've known each other
for 5 years. so kelli and Dylan will be travelling to
South America countries starting from brasil on August
2nd. she's been learning Portugese hakhkahakha and
then they're going to Argentina and all [oh! she said
they've actually been planning this travel way before
the engagement] i guess it's more perfect now
hakhkakhakhka :D oh and Nata and Jeff had their 11th
year wedding anniversary just 2 days before that :D so
it was pretty much a lot of celebrations going on
hakhkahkkahkahka

i'll send you the pictures separately. some pictures
are smaller than the others. the smaller ones are from
keia's camera. she sent me thru Snapfish and i just
dragged them out and include them in mine, that's why
it's different in size if you see them individually.
but will be all the same if you see them together in
the album :D all right, feel better! hopefully we'll
have a get together again soon, we'll see about that.

love lots
Renny

we'll see...

Speakin of Hate...

Since We're Getting Slut-tastic

Let's crank it up some for this oldie but yummy:

last one

ok ryan said this would be relevant to the topic. some background: renny is a girl i've known for a few years, since i first moved to ny. we're pretty good friends but i just don't see her that often. natasha is a bartender we both worked with and glenn is a friend of her husband's, and they all lived in italy together years ago when they were models. okay go:

by the way, Alexis, i have 1 question and 1 confession
for you:

question — do you mind if i hang out with Glenn?
i feel bad not asking you this because i remembered
that you had a little crush on him last year at Meet
and i was absolutely trying to hook you up with him
last time we met again at the Pizza Bar :( i feel
stupid in a way because i think i'm not supposed to be
hangin out with him because of you, but you said you
don't like him and not that i said i did, but we've
been talking and he's not that bad — he's still being
stupid with his stupid jokes and being a sleezy
asshole a bit sometimes, but he's generally nice. i
think he really thinks that he's funny hkahkakhkahka
well, sometimes.

confession — we've been talking a lot on the phone!
since that night at the Pizza Bar, he called me and
he's been calling me everyday since. Natasha invited
me to her friend's July 4th party and i went and met
him again there and we were hangin out until 4 o'clock
in the morning. and then i met him again on Tuesday,
after work, he was meeting his friend at Blue Ribbon
and i came and hung out with them and then we both
went to Natasha's house and hung out there until 3
o'clock in the morning and then i met him again last
night, my friend's bachelor's party was in Professor
Thom's and he lives nearby so he stopped by and had
drinks with us, we were there until 2 o'clock

this is a bit weird. at least i feel weird about my
position with Natasha and you. Natasha has been so
worried about the idea that i'm hangin out with Glenn,
she said i need to really be careful. and about you, i
didn't think about it as much because i thought well
yeah whatever, we talk on the phone, so what? but now
that we talk everyday and we meet more often, i really
think that i should tell you. please tell me how you
feel, i feel so uncomfortable

xo \r






and yes, i slept with him *glek*


and let me end this post by saying that aforementioned glenn tried to get me to go home w/ him that night that renny allegedly tried to hook us up. thank god i didn't - i suddenly remembered the time he showed up to our restaurant in leather pants.

GLEK.

Phone Tag

Seems like a lot of the ladies out there have been hurt and gone through some heart ache. Here's a little something for that:





Not quite the same as finding a $100 bill on the dresser the morning after, but you'll take it and you'll like it.

We still blowin' up spots?

Date: Nov 5, 2005 7:11 AM
Subject: Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!
To: pers-109023272@craigslist.org

Hi,

I'm _________; nice to meet you, sort of. A little about myself - I'm 27, live in Astoria, but I'm from the Bronx originally.I work in the nonprofit sector and just started grad school part-time. Let's see, what else - oh, honing a talent. I started taking salsa classes back in February, so I've been pretty passionate about that, I guess you could say. I'm guessing I'm probably not as well traveled as you, but I've lived in Philly and L.A., and have been to the Philippines a few times, but outside of that have only been to Canada and Mexico. Oh, but when I moved from L.A. to Philly, I drove cross country. Does that count?

Definitely drug free, couldn't afford to be a sugar daddy even if I wanted to (see the nonprofit thing above), and definitely not a frat boy or on the rebound...

Ok, gotta run to class. Hope to hear back from you.


So, what exactly is this? MY EXs RESPONSE TO A FRIEND'S FAKE CRAIGSLIST AD MADE TO SOLICIT PERVS FOR A GRAD SCHOOL CASE STUDY. She recognized his name, then forwarded it to me to check if the attached picture was of him. And it was. A picture I took of him with my Polaroid stickypic cam a couple of years back.


Which level of "wrong" or "tacky" do i address first? To think I was supposed to marry that man. "Passionate about salsa classes?" Ew, yo! (Alexis, I am feeling you w/o feeling you.)

The Scene Seu Jorge Rio de Janeiro

The Scene brings together the world's coolest cities with the personalities who know them best. The Scene travels to Rio de Janeiro to meet musician, actor and "City of God" star Seu Jorge and explore the musical sights and sounds of the legendary Brazilian city.

Bros Before Hoes

Always look out for #1

elementary, my dear sluts

i'd been dating this guy for about 5+ years. we'd been living together for most of that. i had a retirement plan, his family loved me, my family loved him, etc etc etc. so we move to new york and bullshit just took over. i worked nights and he worked days. for the first time in the course of our relationship we had different groups of friends and started not seeing so much of each other. i could feel things shifting but i didn't really want to admit to myself that it was really happening.

until i found the email. we were supposed to watch lost in translation and he was in the bathroom taking a dump. we shared a computer and he was logged on so i decided to take a peek - don't asked me why i did it, i just felt like i had to. there was an email to the girl - some skinny white vegetarian bitch at work. i printed it out (for evidence i guess) and then went straight to the bathroom and banged on the door. he must've sucked it up real quick because not 30 seconds later he was out. i proceeded to scream at him, punching and kicking. not a pretty sight. we officially broke up end of september. our lease didn't end until end of january. we didn't even last 1 year in new york.

it doesn't end there. their bdays are both in november. he went away one weekend to boston, saying he was staying w/ a coworker and his family. and then came back, saying he had taken some really great photos. so i wanted to see them. but he kept telling me they weren't uploaded yet. how fucking long does it take to upload photos? so guess what i did. and guess what they were. oh shit. so i asked him again. and he was like "they're not ready yet." and i said "hey guess what, i saw them already." his face fell off.

in the month leading up to xmas i was in full psycho mode. i was checking his hotmail account at least once a day. i saw itineraries and e-tickets for a flight out to washington state for xmas (to be w/ girl and her family) and i decided to ask him if he had any xmas plans. "not yet." mind you, we were still living in our apt together at this time. so xmas eve he just takes off w/o a word to anyone. and i emailed him all kinds of terrible shit - i hope your plane crashes, etc etc etc.

fast forward to february-ish. we're both living in brooklyn at our respective shitholes. i got a gift on valentine's day - flowers and the boardgame SORRY! which i guess would be pretty sweet if i hadn't caught him in lies+100. i made him beg, i made him cry. but after all that shit i kicked him to the curb. now he's in san francisco living w/ another white girl that all our friends think is wrong for him and i'm still in bk, happy as a pig in a shithole.

in retrospect, i can understand why he wanted to end things but it would've been much cooler of him to be straight up about it.

end.

i ain't goin' out like that.

okay... so i've had some errors in judgment when it comes to the mens... one in particular. i decided to give the 'nice guy' [that i was not too attracted to at first] a chance, seeing how my superficial tendencies have not served me well.

so anyways, i start dating this guy, whatever. about a month into it, when i am starting to like him as a person and overlook his lack of style and WASPy-ness, he basically bails. stops calling, avoids me in school, etc.

well... homey don't play that. he had no idea who he was dealing with.


soon after, at a bar reivew [ = weekly law school event at different bars] yours truly went out looking especially cute, got really drunk, and maddogged whitey the whole night. but it does not stop there... as luck would have it, he chose that night to finally come try to talk to me, ultra-cas, like "hey what's up? how've you been" type of shit.

so... i proceed to basically call him out on everything. how he had been avoiding me. how HE had been the one who asked ME out. how I did not want to really get involved, but HE pursued it. how I had not been the one making all the plans and speaking in relationship-talk. mind you, i did all of this with a calm demeanor and didn't roll my neck once. everytime he would try to say something - kaBLow, shot down. nope, no way. 'you're weak' --'you're an asshole' -- 'what the hell was your problem' -- 'um, i never wanted anything from you anyway.' etc.


this might not all sound so spectacular... but lemme tell you, it felt nice doing it. after that - no fucking polite smiles at school, no me-trying-to-be-the-bigger person. done-zo.

p.s. as a reminder to myself - and to all the other ladies i know - i came up with a new list of rules for myself. read and admire:

"i am no longer going out with anyone shorter than me, less cute than me, less cool than me, whiter than me, more conservative than me, sloppier than me, with a bigger appetite than me, more pretentious than me, who drinks more than me, or who is in the same year of law school as me, who has no fucking style."

done and done.

(man... feels good even remembering it!)

2-for-1

In health class, we were on the chapter about the human reproductive system. Andrea saw the picture of the lady-vaj and asked, "Why is it pink?"

Ms. Felton, our health teacher, perplexed, said, "What do you mean, baby?"

To which Andrea replied, "But mine's purple...."

Class cracks up.

Word gets around. My two best friends at the time ask for details on the purplevaj incident.

Hanalei: Yeah can you believe she said that shit? I guess that's what happens when your parents don't go to college.

Friend 1: Uhhhh...my parents didn't go to college. They just "super" the apartment building where we live.

Friend 2: Yeh. Mine didn't either and own a restaurant.

Hanalei: Oh. Well. That's different. Because....it's like they wanted to do that.

So what if I am elitist and SLOPPPPPY ?!?!?!?111?!1

i got it from my mom

i just remembered this story.

i was a kid shopping at marshall's with my parents. we were waiting in line to pay when my mom picked up a pair of shoes that someone had left in the endcap in front of the cashier. she laughed and said

BIG FOOT


then she put the shoes down.

The lady in front of us picked up the shoes and then stares down my mom. They were her shoes!

My dad was so embarrassed but then my mom just started jabbering in tagalog like "Well it's her fault for leaving them there for someone to pick up. She's the one with big feet!" I just stood behind my parents and laughed. That shit was classic.

foot in my mouth

So in honor of this entry I shall picture of my high school friend's baby with her foot in her mouth.

In high school I seemed to do this a lot. Here are 2 examples that I can recall.

example one) there was this girl who had foul breath. it was seriously harsh, straight halitosis. she wasn't a popular girl, due to the halitosis, but she wished she was. so she would put out like no ones business. during chemistry class i was talking shit about how rank this chick's breath was...and she walked up right to the conversation. i didn't even stop. i think i said something like

"damn Rank Breath girl is killin me! she needs to get that shit checked with her dentist. it's probably halitosis!"

her face turned bright red. she laughed it off. all the people who were with me stared at me like WTF i can't believe you just said that. when rank breath girl left our group they said "wtf i can't believe you just said that!" and my response "like you wasn't thinking it!"

example two) i remember my senior year of high school we'd hang out after school just shootin the shit at the picnic tables before we'd go home, go to some sports practice, or go smoke cigarettes down the street. one day we were just sitting there when this annoying freshman girl who had a crush on one of my friends came up and started talking to us. she had the annoying high pitch cutsie voice. i couldn't stand the sound of her voice. when i would hear her in the halls i wanted to slap her, the fact that she was in front of me attempting a conversation was just killing me. and then the words came out of my mouth,

"Is that your real voice?"

She looked shocked.

"I'm serious. Do you really talk like that?"

She asked me "What are you talking about? Of course this is my real voice!"

I didn't believe her so I kept asking

"Are you sure that's your real voice? You're not gonna walk away and then all of a sudden talk in a normal pitch? Your voice is ALWAYS this high?"

"YEAHHHH" she squeaked.

Some of my friends had the WTF face at me. Others walked away laughing because they couldn't believe I had said it. I rolled my eyes and decided to bounce. I'm pretty sure I had homework to procrastinate doing at someone elses house.

the end

I Ain't No Snitch... BUT...

we used to call this chick "Ass Girl" in high school because she was the "horse of the horses" so to speak, i.e. her posterior was in thoroughbred condition. on one of the numerous occassions we brought a video camera to school (back before they clamped down on such an activity) we were filming her walk and thangs by her locker. then i turned the camera on one of my friends when another friend then exclaimed, "el! don't waste the battery, motherfucker!!" i got the hint, and turned the camera back to Ass Girl who, unfortunately, had turned to notice the camera i was holding and currently pointing in her direction. spot blown. i tried to play it off or whatever, but i'm sure she knew. but best believe we recorded her walking away!






for more late 90's HS fashion, here's one we can laugh at now:

kaboom.

Ryan is pregnant with alien.

Caught Out There

K guys, new topic...putting people on blast.
Either and or:

1) Talk about a time when you just totally blew someones spot up. Completely embarassed, called out, whatevers, ensuing fights and drama and what not. Whether it be at church, in public, on the internets...whatevers..

2)Put someone out there right here on QLAQ. Its summer folks, lets drop bombs like Flex.


I'll share in a lil while..

Fog/Black Olive Lazer