F U Santa

One year I got socks. 3 pairs in a box. I knew exactly which Tita they came from. They were from my aunt who works for Robinsons-May, but backed then she worked for Robinsons. I had to fake happy on this. I tore open the paper expecting something good and I got...SOCKS. i think i asked my parents "is this it?", smiled as my dad took a picture of me holding my box of socks, and then tossed it aside.

My cousins do a christmas exchange every year and my cousin norman got me one year. i opened my gift and got the movie dumbo. I have no idea why, but i thought this gift sucked. He told me he knew I liked disney movies so he got me dumbo. i remember having such a sour look on my face. like WTF dumbo? are you freakin kidding me? this was around the time that Little Mermaid, Alladin, and Beauty and the Beast were coming out. DUMBO was not on my wish list. i think i made him feel bad, oh well i was 12.

last year my cousin eloisa picked me and expected me to be excited with my gift. she got me a coffee bean gift card, some kind of relaxation spa book, and an incense holder. i don't know if i was supposed to jump for joy, but at this point in time at least i can fake a pleased look. i didn't hate the gift, but i also didn't really need/want any of it. the coffee bean card was the best thing in the bunch.

when i was a kid my aunts and uncles would make all the kids put on a christmas talent show before we could get presents. we had to sing, dance, act like fools before we could open any gifts. i remember we thought we were smart one year by having all the cousins sing 12 days of christmas. yeah that wasn't so smart when my tone deaf auntie with a tambourine was leading the chorus.

my favorite memory of this shit is one of my cousin playing the muthafuckin accordian. he has big steve urkel glasses, a bowl haircut, and an accordian on. that shit is classic.

i've finally learned the perfect plan to surviving a big family christmas. weed, booze, and cigarettes. there's no more easily accessible weed around, so it'll be booze and cigarettes. i don't smoke anymore, but i have to make the exception for christmas.