Quarter Life Angst Quarterly

A Slut Supreme

2009-01-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

ONLINE IN '09
Big year for Cali Sluts and extended Slut fam

what say you, fuzzy britches?

2008-05-05T00:39:00.000-07:00

yo. i just now figgerd this thing. now where is everyone and what the fuck is up lebowski? YOU FIRST.

Hello, Ladies

2008-01-08T14:58:00.001-08:00

1980

2007-11-23T14:05:00.001-08:00

In case you haven't already seen this new classic:

Gadgets 2007

2007-11-14T02:09:00.000-08:00

Ryan, where you at? You requested this gadget update topic. Sup!?

Anyway, here are my current gadgets (that I use quite frequently, actually).

1. Apple keyboard
2. Wacom Bamboo tablet
3. LaCie/Porsche 500gb external HD
4. JBL Creature 2 speakers
5. 4gb iPod Mini
6. 60gb video iPod
7. 4gb iPhone
8. Sony MZ-M100 Hi-MD Recorder
9. Sony Ericsson K750i

Implied in the picture:
10. 24" iMac (reflection)
11. Fuji Finepix F30 (used to take the picture)

gadgets 2007

2007-08-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

gadgets 2007: mobile edition...

got a moto krzr about 7 months ago and now i rock an 8GB apple iPhone.
also scooped up a 42mm stainless steel omega seamaster.
thats pretty much it for gadgets as of late. what you got?!

Our Flickr group is boring

2007-08-16T10:46:00.001-07:00

I just posted a new topic/assignment. Way to sleep, Eros!

TOPIC ANNOUNCEMENT: GADGETS 2007

2007-08-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time coming. We've all been consumers since the last pics in this series; now, it's time for an update. That's right, folks - time to floss all that shiny shit you've been buying. The new topic is to give an update photo of your gadgets. Lay 'em out, set 'em up, whatever you gotta do to show off your technolust. Get to it!

top 10 summer bangers.

2007-07-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

1. summertime - dj jazzy jeff & the fresh prince (basically the best summer song ever, hands-down, forget about will's later transgressions)

2. under the boardwalk - the drifters (scintillating)

3. dock of the bay - otis redding (not even a song about summer... but i associate it with the summer of 1993 when i would blast k-earth 101 and shoot hoops in my front yard all day)

4. on a sunday afternoon - lighter shade of brown (chill as hell)

5. LDN - lily allen (summer of '06)

6. ridin' - chammillionaire feat. krayzie bone (also summer of '06)

7. summer in the city - the lovin' spoonful (see explanation for #3)

8. crazy in love - beyonce feat. jay-z (this was my favorite song alllll summer in 2003. i will never get sick of this fucking classic)

9. summertime - sublime (i would be remiss if i did not include some rendition of this porgy & bess standard, also a classic)

10. grindin' - clipse (this site alerted me to the fact this song came out in the summer of '02. gotta throw it in)

Let us sit back and unwind

2007-07-19T06:26:00.000-07:00

Summer jams (which I may or may not post on Pownce)

Sam Cooke
Ron Sexsmith
Tarnation soundtrack (featuring Low, Cocteau Twins, Dolly Parton, Glen Campbell...)
Os Mutantes
Red House Painters/Mark Kozelek
New Order - Temptation
Calla
Criteria

All good BBQ music except for the last two.

TOPIC ANNOUNCEMENT: July 18, 2007

2007-07-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

Hot time - Summer in the citttaaaayyy!

Been a minute, y'all. Been a hot minute. I thought we'd ease back into this old thang slowly and gently, for the lovers out there. Easy topic for this one:

Top 5 (or more) Summertime Jams.

Can you get with it? One thing I can get with is these Micron pens; no blotting, no bleeding. Top quality by Sakura. I'm feelin sizes 03 and 05. Anyone else rockin these? For you pencil heads out there, I'm a Dixon Ticonderoga loyalist. Holla that, ya diiigggggg.

Before Our Quarter Life Lives Escape Us

2007-07-08T05:10:00.000-07:00

I think we should start posting here again. As editor-in-chief of the blog, I'll cook up some things and make sure we got some hate in the works to keep shit fresh. or whatever.

one hate,

-e

A New Beginning

2007-02-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

http://calisluts.groups.vox.com/

Wolfie Angst

2007-01-28T22:28:00.001-08:00

This little bugger is up for adoption, and it looks like she just might have a bit of angst in her.
QLAQ STAR: Wolfie

Alright, I'll Go

2007-01-20T00:22:00.000-08:00

best xmas gift: probably this new digital camera that just arrived.

the more that i'm messing with the settings, the better it gets.
now, i just need to get a case. maybe when i go to Target this weekend, i heard they sell some some affordable ones there.

worst xmas gift: truthfully, i was not feeling a cd holder i got a few years back.
it was really cumbersome to use and was pretty huge.
this was from my rich aunt, too.
she now gives out checks instead of presents (if i see her on xmas).
before you think she went p.diddy on me, process this: these checks are for $15.
i can't even withdraw that!

by the winding stream we shall lie and dream

2006-12-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

best:
this was a good, good year. and to top it off:
* mini champagne + homemade card from angel
* socks, post-its, nerds, the white album by joan didion & $15 to itunes store from secret santa at work
* betsey johnson earrings from boss
* gift certificate to spa from other boss
* blue ipod nano from alex
* plane tix to vancouver, possible overnight spa treatment, and most probably digital camera from mamadukes

worst:
* someone gave me a recycled present for xmas, only to take it back and recycle it for another present to give me for graduating college.

best present giver: my lil bro
worst present giver: that who shall remain unnamed

TOPIC ANNOUNCEMENT: 12-04-2006

2006-12-04T17:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Jay-Z? Product of Reaganomics, but not an 80's baby.

Greetings, QLAQsters. It's been a while, it's been a while.

Black Friday came and went. A few of us almost got Xbox360's for $100. Then Amazon.com crashed. Easy come, easy go. Our wallets/accounts are about to become real empty, if they already aren't. Gift guides are everywhere, but they usually only showcase one side of the equation. Here at QLAQ, we like to be 'fair and balanced' (ha!), so we want to give that other side some time to shine.

There's a war going on outside, no man is safe from. I'm not talking about Iraq ("I don't know no insurgents."), I'm talking about the war between good and bad gifts. We've all had a pretty broad spectrum of gifts by this point in our lives. Does it get any better? Who knows. If it doesn't, then it's probably your fault for being close to the same old tired ass folks that you hang with that don't give no good gifts.

So, in light of them, or rather because of them, behold, the new QLAQ topic:

1) Best Xmas gift ever received
2) Worse Xmas gifts evar received

*note: you can substitute in any other holiday you celebrate in place of Xmas, such as Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc.

Time to fire up the Charlie Brown dvd.

Sleep is for Babies

2006-12-02T12:01:00.000-08:00

steekers

2006-11-25T16:01:00.000-08:00

i put in the order for the new cs logo. send me your addy's and i'll mail them your way, uccloud9atgmaildotcom.

steeker master 2006

Holiday Love

2006-11-23T11:08:00.000-08:00

My friend Michelle posted this on YouTube a while ago.
I thought it would be an appropeau message from the Cali Sluts to all our sluts out there for the holiday season:

Busted Ne

2006-11-21T22:44:00.000-08:00

These aren't new, but they're still the shit:

Spank Move:

"Hi":

"Ooh. Ooh...":

[BONUS!!!]

Push It:

Crime Deterrent:

One For Wii

2006-11-20T13:11:00.000-08:00

Kyle made it onto 1up.
See if you can spot him:

new member of the family...

2006-11-16T01:32:00.000-08:00

For Those DQ Moments

2006-11-11T20:26:00.000-08:00

Bill Maher Took It There

2006-11-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

The illest costume i seen so far this year:

Slizzerd

2006-11-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

Man Up

2006-11-04T23:21:00.000-08:00

This video isn't that new, but its message is definitely still relevant:

Shout out to Barbara Kruger.

so lag...

2006-11-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

well come on, let's see halloween pics!

This is the Only Way Out of Being a Cali Slut

2006-10-21T23:13:00.000-07:00

Chastity Belt For Men - video powered by Metacafe

Pale Rider

2006-10-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

Despite the namesake, this guy has to be the opposite of the port of miami.
but the question remains: does he push it to the limit?

Winner of the 2006 "It's Over for You" Award ...

2006-10-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

at least she's not gonna have a hard time figuring out who to be for halloween ...

... if only she had a place to go (let alone fit through the door of said place -- oh, the hate!). but, wait -- let's go back up to that first pic ...

now, either this is one of those mix-n-match pics where they took her ~~torso~~ northern hemisphere and placed it over someone else's legs ... or she must have made the best investment of her life in a pair of those magic jeans. seriously, i think "magic" is the only logical answer i can come up with to explain how that top joins with that bottom. that business is just hella incongruous!

she also appears to be some sort of firefighter. just imagine her sliding down that pole ... naked ... and upside down. ah, the power of the human imagination. haha -- i think i almost puked.

speaking of puke, i think the burning question in everybody's mind (and pants) is: when are we gonna get a glimpse of that Dustin Diamond (a.k.a. "Screech") sex tape?!?

anything you can do, indian cats can do it better.

2006-10-04T18:08:00.000-07:00

keep it simple, stupid.

2006-10-04T01:24:00.000-07:00

i was in the mood to dig up some oldies but goodies this summer. in this case, old refers largely to the stuff i listened to when i was a teenager. so i dug up some older blur (leisure, modern life is rubbish, parklife, great escape) and pulp (his 'n' hers, different class, this is hardcore). and i listened to some talking heads (stop making sense) and beck (stereopathetic soulmanure, one foot in the grave, mellow gold). i threw in some newer stuff with an easy feel: nouvelle vague (nouvelle vague), lilly allen (alright, still), regina spektor (soviet kitsch), arcade fire (arcade fire, funeral), etc. and i'm coming into fall with some nice, fresh beck (the information). so i'm doing okay.

southernplayalistik

2006-09-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

cold war kids: "up in rags" ep

bebe: "Pafuera Telarañas"

lots of lily allen
lupe fiasco, "kick, push"
the pack, "vans" (i know, i know...)

and i could listen to this shit on repeat, all day, erryday:

and we are the dreamers of the dreams

2006-09-29T05:56:00.000-07:00

for those of you on myspace you might've already downloaded these. tracklists for now, i will upload the actual music when i get back from my escape. leaving for the airport in about an hour on my way to tokyo.

#1
1. up the beach - jane's addiction
2. ride into the sun - the velvet underground
3. a new career in a new town - david bowie
4. yesterday yes a day - serge gainsbourg
5. the ice storm, big gust and you - tilly & the wall
6. only so long - the french kicks
7. fireman - jawbreaker
8. tunic (song for karen) - sonic youth
9. color in your cheeks - the mountain goats
10. glory [early version] - television
11. happy when it rains - the jesus & mary chain
12. brooklyn stars - matt pond pa

#2
1. atmosphere - joy division
2. some and i - his name is alive
3. and it rained all night - thom yorke
4. a method - tv on the radio
5. pink night - jason collett
6. all mixed up - the red house painters
7. the limitations are beautiful - ray barbee
8. ballad of big nothing - elliott smith
9. it's not enough - johnny thunders and the heartbreakers
10. sunny side of the street - face to face
11. things just getting good - the promise ring
12. leave me alone - new order

#3
1. sunshine & clouds & everything proud - clap your hands say yeah!
2. mornington crescent - belle & sebastian
3. lilac wine - jeff buckley
4. a better future - david bowie
5. lonesome tonight - new order
6. & your bird can sing - the beatles
7. pink glove - pulp
8. our swords - band of horses
9. little sister - nico
10. summer teeth - wilco
11. shingaling - tom verlaine
12. last great american whale - lou reed

#4
1. goodnight goodnight - hot hot heat
2. wordless chorus - my morning jacket
3. this will be our year - the zombies
4. i cut myself in half - kleenex girl wonder
5. violet execution - sebadoh
6. postcards from italy - beirut
7. sweet lemonade - monster movie
8. hollywood - west indian girl
9. fashion awards - eels
10. a new england - billy bragg
11. home - lou barlow
12. cinematography - tristeza

and also: monster movie, regina spektor, ghostface killah, west indian girl, lily allen, merle haggard, rilo kiley/jenny lewis & the watson twins, pernice brothers "grudge fuck," and the cure the cure the cure.

You never knew...

2006-09-27T01:32:00.000-07:00

Replay video | Share video | Watch more videos

Got You All In Check

2006-09-26T02:36:00.000-07:00

you know your french well..

2006-09-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That
I first heard about these guys when their song Too Young was in the movie Lost In Translation. It was part of the reason I went out and got the soundtrack. This is their third album and arguably the best one yet. Its hard to describe their sound without sounding all cliche, but its got this whole retro/indie/pop thing going on without sounding cheesy or pretentious. To me, this album IS summer music. Most of it is very upbeat and catchy. Personal faves are Consolation Prizes, Rally, Long Distance Call... I saw them recently at Webster Hall, if you have a chance to see them live, go for it, they put on a really good show, they did all their songs justice and them some.

Here is a quicktime link to them performing on KCRW Morning Becomes Eclectic.

TOPIC ANNOUNCEMENT: 09-25-2006

2006-09-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

what's up to all the camry drivers and all the people blocking doorways to buildings.
what has been going on with everyone?

the topic this time around is pretty easy, so i'm looking to hear from more of you.
what i, and everyone else on this planet, want to know is:

your favourite albums of the summer.

they can be newly released this summer or you could have just been listening to them a lot.
if you want to name specific tracks, you can.
basically, post the soundtrack to your summer.

and if you haven't already, go watch:

Super Champion Funzone!!!

Air Dancers!

2006-09-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

get out the way bitch

2006-09-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

i live in new york. i don't have to worry so much about drivers as i do other commuters. so i'll list here the shit i have to put up w/ in terms of foot & subway traffic:

* tourists who walk 3-4-5 abreast on the sidewalk and walk slowly to peer into store windows, check out merch tables or stare upwards at pigeons/buidings/what have you. i bump into them on purpose. anyone blocking obvious paths of foot traffic - doorways, escalators, etc.

* the trains at rush hour. why's it so hard to understand - let ppl off first, then move INTO the train and don't block the door. i elbow those ppl on purpose.

* ppl who get on the train and do the 'mad dash for the one empty seat' dance. it's pretty funny, especially when there are two or more ppl going after the same seat. then whoever doesn't get it goes 'ugh!' and shrugs and smiles and acts like they don't care but you know inside they are dying.

* beggars/homeless ppl on the train. when i can hear "EXCUSE ME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN..." over my headphones i want to stab my eyes out. do not make eye contact!

* going down the stairs to the train platform behind a) an old person b) ppl carrying a stroller c) a stupid bitch in high heels when your train is in the station w/ open doors - most likely you'll miss it.

* loud ppl on the train very early in the morning. i always catch the same lady. always with a cup of coffee, always bitching about something.

* cheesedicks who bring their bike onto the train during rush hour. YOU'RE BLOCKING EVERYONE STUPID.

Dude, WHOA. Just WHOA.

2006-09-16T03:28:00.000-07:00

I was going to come up with some type of slut categorization for this, but, dude... WHOA. No homo in this, but homegirl needs to PAUSE. Talk about awkward...

imeem for qlaqset

2006-09-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

thinking about bringing more interactivity to QLAQ.
the blog has been all well and good, but what do you guys think about this site:

http://www.imeem.com/

seems to have a better interface than myspace...
but it might not get seen as easily?
More pictures though... as albums...
I dunno, take a look...

M.A.D.

2006-09-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

Not Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. I ain't MADD.

I'm MAD. Well, I'm not one, but they make me mad.
Middle-Aged Drivers.
In their fucking Camry's and Accords.
Going like 55mph on the freeway and not checking their mirrors before they change lanes.
Oh, and how they get on the freeway and just HAVE to get into the far left lane, even though they don't plan on going faster than 65mph.
Those are the fuckers who technically are following the law, so they feel all high and mighty, but they're the ones causing the damn accidents.

Matter of fact, a Camry is what wrecked my damn Accord.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Ha.
My neck and back wouldn't have said so following the accident though.

The depressing part about all this?
They're the most common cars on the road.
Fuckin up my world.

FINALLY... A NEW TOPIC

2006-09-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

What the fuck is REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD?
Been a hot minute since a topic has really been posted about here.
Cashflow had that jumpoff puttin people on blast which spawned Alexis' dumb breezy emails.
I don't think I have anything up my sleeve that can immediately rival that topic, but let's ease back into writing by something I'm sure we all can relate to: bad drivers.
Specifically, have you noticed certain cars that people drive that seem to cause you the most problems?

This can kind of be considered the opposite of advertising for the car companies we will proceed to name.

SHIMIZU BLOWNT UP!

2006-09-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

QLAQ BLOWNT UP!

2006-09-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

Vox

2006-08-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to like the interface at Vox...
Who would be opposed to moving this blog there?
We'll see how the new Blogger Beta is though, whenever it finally gets around to us...

[update]
i'm pretty sure QLAQ is staying put.
Just the most convenient thing to do.

OMGWTFCSBBQ?

2006-08-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

Let's 'que it up! This coming Labor Day (Next Monday)?
Who's free/down?

breezy.

2006-08-28T03:04:00.000-07:00

all i have to say is: !!!

and this would be a nice addition:

hello kitty folding bike! what?!

Ryan??

2006-08-25T01:01:00.000-07:00

Ian Reid Video

2006-08-25T00:39:00.000-07:00

Saw this on the MOB blog.
Looks pretty damn interesting.

The Rides

2006-08-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

These are what I got so far.

Specialized Hardrock mtn bike from when I was in jr high. It's still up and running, but it definitely needs a tune-up and the gears need fixing.

Diamondback Viper X bmx bike, for doing fun things. Just a starter bike, really. I'll be adding parts as I go along, and the more I need to, I'll upgrade. So if I get really into it, I'll have a bike that will eat this one alive. But as it is, don't have the ca$h to dedicate to that right now.

Komda Compact folding bike (that's what the tag said, even though the frame says Infinity). This is the dilly that I keep in the trunk for when I feel like riding or don't feel like walking. Fun toy, but not for anything serious.

Maybe I'll take a better picture later when there's more light instead of in my garage at night, but maybe I don't care enough to. Ha.

[update]

here's a somewhat better look at the viper x:

steady rollin

2006-08-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

This is my ride. A Specialized Fatboy Hemi Comp. Got it for $70 bucks off some dude from Craigslist. Picked it up at Herald Square and rode it down to South Street Seaport during rush hour traffic. Wouldnt have it any other way.
My previous bike was a POS folding bike off of ebay. I still keep it around just in case. But we're talking about the Fatboy. I love this thing. The frame is a bit different than a typical bmx frame, its a bit longer and heavier, makes it more of a cruiser, but its still light and small enough to flick it around cars and buses and such. Need to replace the tires pretty soon, probably also along with the brakes and chain. I've ridden alot of lower Manhattan with it, debating on whether or not to attack Central Park with it. I'm looking to get a Specialized Langster for longer jaunts. In the mean time this thing does the job..

daisy, daisy, give me your answer do...

2006-08-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

I got this Royce Union off Craigslist - the guy lives in Long Island and despite having a DWI, took it on the LIRR and delivered it to me on Bedford Ave. I hadn't ridden a bike in over 10 years and I biked that sucker all the way home. It rides pretty well - altho the chain shifts on its own, which wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't going up that horrible long slope that is the Williamsburg Bridge. Shit's painful. So far I've put a basket on it, gotten a new chain, and changed the brake cables and casings. The bike put me back $120 and I've spent a total of $77 on it (inlc. bike chain). I've ridden it into Manhattan and Long Island City. I love that thing.

Up next I want a lighter bike - this one is good for tooling around Brooklyn in because it's got the basket (key for carting six packs and food around) but I want something I might possibly able to ride to work on. A BMX-type bike would be cool too but I don't think it's really practical. Haha - PRACTICAL. That's me!

Oh boy.

Update:
Stupid friend called me after all those dumb emails. I didn't answer - left me this long winded message asking the directions for this store she wanted to go to that I took her to before, because she was maybe going to be in the area later, and she wanted to buy some blah blah blah... It was really about 2 mins long, just to ask where the freaking store was. She called me again next day but I didn't answer - must've gotten the message because she didn't leave one.

In other news, trying to save up for our trip to Japan; Ryan and Co. and I leave end of September for a week of EGL slutting.

Summer of Sleaze

2006-08-14T23:48:00.000-07:00

It's mid-August people! The Summer of Sleaze is almost coming to an end.
There has been buzz here and buzz there about another End of Summer BBQ Stylee.
Ain't nothin to it but to DO IT.
I'm eating fucking red meat again (paranoid about iron deficiency and too cheap to buy supplements), I'm good to go.
I'm thinking a park in OC, i.e. Irvine would be the best location again, but... perhaps I have a bias?
Anyways, leave comments on when is the best time frame for you and if you have a location preference.
You NY Sluts will have to wait your turn, we're staggering out there slowly, but we'll come out in full force sooner or later.
If we can't do Medieval Times, we gotta get it together fuck New Yawk Shitty!

Hey. Everyone pretty much has jobs now.
I think that means we can start thinking about a new apparel thing.
A new bandana for the coming season might be good.
Making the tshirt we never made might also be something to consider.
We gotta get on that next shit, not just that now shit.

Oh, and if you haven't heard, we're more or less starting to transform into a bike crew.
Get on it.

What the fuck else has been going on, people!?!?
Is Alexis' stupid friend the biggest deal of the summer?
...that shit was pretty funny though. haha.

Mini topic:

post pics of the bike(s) you have/want

Ride or... don't.

chock full o' stupid

2006-08-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

* used to sneak out a lot in high school. senior year, pretty much every night. i was living on 2 hrs of sleep a night - no wonder i failed math. only got caught twice. i'd sneak the car out too. driving in the philippines prepared me fo' life!

and...YOHO! CON'T:

from: r
subject: *eek!*

i got this e-mail and i don't know what to do x((

brief introduction:
so as we all know [as well as N.] that G. [i
hope you remember him — J.s friend] that G.
lives with his ex-girlfriend and now they're
roommates, and so G. has been saying a lot of
negative things about S. and bla bla bla and that
they've been broken up for a long time and that
they're not together anymore and that now he sees me
and so i feel sorry about the girl, and i sent her an
e-mail invitation to a jewelry-making-and-selling,
just about 3 blocks from their house, to be nice and
hoping that it would neutralize any bad feelings
between us [me and S.] because when i met her, she
actually looked and acted cool.
long story short, this is her reply to my NICE
e-mail!!!!!

R.,

Thanks for thinking of me. G. and I are in the
midst of redefining our relationship. So, I don't know
that this would be appropriate, although I am a fan of
the unconventional. I am also on call tonight so that
limits my availability. Thank you for being kind and
ever so cool.

Take care,
S.

what should i do??????????????? should i believe
G.? or should i believe her? or neither of them???
but what should i do? what if G. calls? what should
i say to her?????? OMG!!! i really need N. to
sort this out for me because i think she's the only
one who can say something since she's known him for 10
years and J. has known him for 15 years :(

argh!!!! drama!!!!!!! i haaaaaaaaaaaattttteeeeeeeeeeee
assholeesssss!!!!!!

S.O.S.
\r

don't worry. i got more.

does that mean she hateees assholeees? haties assholies?

dude i'm an idiot

2006-08-02T14:57:00.000-07:00

so i was thinking of silk screening onto these bandana tote bags that i found online. i found these and these

my stupid ass didn't see that the blue and red ones are 6" x 6" Poly Non-Woven Fabric Bandanna Print. it's a tote bag for a fuckin barbie!

at least the other tote bags are 14" x 16 1/2" with 5 1/2". freakin regular people size bags.

i'm such a dork.

whatchu talkin about...i'm an angel (^_^)

2006-08-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

age 1 - me and my cousin sean went to the same babysitter when we were kids. i was 1 and he was 3. there were some other kids at this nanay's daycare and we'd all bring our own toys to occupy our times with. some brat tried to steal my toy. i get sad and then angry. my cousin saw what went down and pushed that little bratty bugger on the ground, while i reclaimed my toy back. the next day the brat came with a cast on his arm. brat broke it on his fall.
age 4 - me and sean no longer went to that babysitter and had our older cousin watch us at his house. we got into a fight. i was angry and i picked up his dad's guitar and bashed it on his head.
kindergarten - i yelled out "oh shit" on the playground. the teacher watching us pulled me aside, yelled at me, and made me wash my mouth out with soap. i told my parents what happened and they laughed. they were saying oh shit all the time in the house when they f'd up.
2nd grade - at first communion practice i didn't want to eat the wafer so i spit it out. an angry nun yelled at me. i put it back in my mouth. when she turned around i spit it out and put it in an offetory envelope. i put the envelope back in the pew where i got it.
4th grade - my teacher, sister elvira, had leukemia and would leave in the afternoon for chemo. our school libriarian, mrs hoffman, would watch us for those short hours. my whole class was evil. we'd throw books at each other. yell over her as she tried to tell us to pipe down. eventually it was so bad we made her cry. by the end of the year she left our school to be an admin at the high school next door. on my first day of said high school next door she recognized me as one of the little monsters that ran her out of the elementary school and cringed.
5th grade - at recess we played four square and i screamed out "fuck!" in anger. the room mother watching us pulled me by the ear and yelled at me for what felt like all of recess about why profanity was vulgar. i think i said "are you done yet? can i get back to the game?" which made her even more angry and she dragged me into the bathroom and made me wash my mouth out with soap. i looked at her like she was crazy and then she grabbed my hand put soap in it and then made me rinse my tongue out.
6th grade - i yelled "fuck you" at this one girl that no one liked. it was during class time and she was walking to the bathroom or something. the teacher found out and made me apologize. at least i didn't have to wash my mouth out with soap.
7th grade - my class hated our 7th grade teacher. 2 weeks before end of school we had a riot in the classroom. we were watching a movie in class when a book flew across the room. then another book flew, then somehow we were throwing chairs and pushing desks. a chair got thrown out the window. yay my 7th grade class.
8th grade - before class started i'd hang out in the 8th junior high bathroom with my chola friends and try to smoke cigarettes. i would cough up a storm and then freak out. so i just hung out in the smoke filled bathroom while we talked shit.
sophomore year - i would come to school totally hammered and when i sobered up i'd be really surly to everyone. i'd go home steal more of my dad's booze (the airline bottles of liquor he kept in an upstairs room) and get hammered all over again. i would drink vodka and oj right in front of my mom and she would say "drink all your juice i don't want you to waste it"
junior year - i finally learned how to smoke cigarettes. i would smoke reds in the back of my uncle's house. there "backyard" was the wash that a big rig jumps in terminator 2. we'd hop the fence and smoke and drink beer before anyone came home.
freshman year of college = booze booze and more booze + cigarettes
sophomore year of college = booze booze and more booze + cigarettes + herb
junior year of college = repeat sophomore year plus being a good student + almost getting kicked out the uci pub
senior year of college = repeat junior year - being a good student - kicked out of pub + making friends with the bartenders at pub
super senior year = repeat junior year minus being a good student + i quit smoking...for that year + graduating from college.
eurotrip with ivy = all i can really remember is being high in amsterdam. space cakes for breakfast. herb at lunch. herb at dinner. herb herb herb
life now = beer and cigarettes when there's beer...

i went from troublemaking to booze and cigarettes and herb to just booze and cigarettes. yay me.

rebel girl.

2006-07-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

preschool:

- my deviant behavior began at a tender age. there was this girl who had really nice, silky, smooth light brown pigtail braids who sat in front of me every day. i had very frizzy, dark brown, unruly pigtail braids. i did not like her braids. okay, i was jealous of her braids. and she was just so smug. okay so one day, i couldn't take it anymore, and i grabbed my scissors (those little plastic jobs with the strips of dull metal in them and the huge handles) and i reached out and cut off the bottom part of her braid, the part that extended past the rubber band. boy, did i catch hell... but i can't say it didn't feel amazing.

- one day on the like slide-apparatus (one of those contraptions where you climb up into a fort type thing and there were different ropes and slides from which to descend, and a shaky wooden bridge connecting two sides) i was being especially hyper and excited. as i was about to go down a slide, i turned, laughing, mouth open, and ran smack into a smaller girl. unfortunately, my little front teeth went right into her forehead (yes, i was a giant even in preschool) and she had two little teeth marks in her forehead. well, my teacher yanked me from the slide, and proceeded to bascially call me a dog, and ask if she needed to put me on a leash, since i liked to bite people. even at the time, i knew she was being a little ridiculous, and perhaps even abusive, because it was clearly an accident. no one would ever try to bite someone's forehead. if i had really wanted to bite her, i would have grabbed her arm and chewed. whatever.

fourth grade:

- my mom had been a girl scout leader at my school for a couple of years, so i thought i was kind of the bomb. this particular school year, she did the wise thing and chose not to waste her time w/g. scouts. i continued to do it, because my parents wanted me to have something to do after school. the new troop leader did not care for me. this was the beginning of my chatty phase (which has lasted about sixteen years) and i would not shut up in troop meetings. finally, one day about two weeks into the new season (or whatever you call it), the troop leader kept be after the meeting and asked me not to return. basically, i got kicked out of girl scouts. she said i was too loud and she could not control me or something. i went home and told my parents "you know, i'm over girl scouts. can i take art classes?" dodged a bullet there.

eighth grade:

- i was always a sucker for a cute boy, and, being the nerd that i was, i quickly and thoughtlessly would hand over my notes and homework to any boy who asked for them in junior high. well, in junior high, the boy was some puerto rican wannabe tagger named peter. he was a classic delinquent, but extremely gorgeous. i was the best history student in our grade, and he knew i drooled over him, so he asked me for my history notes and homework, and i gladly handed them over. i don't quite know how he found out, but my history teacher, mr. bishop, approached me a couple of days later and yelled at me for giving "that loser" (his words) my shit. he threatened to turn me in to the principal, give me a lower grade on the next test, etc. i still don't know how he found out - i think the kid did miraculously better on a quiz or something and mr. bishop grilled him about it or something.

...needless to say, i did win the history award again, second year in a row. i was really nervous about not getting it after that debacle. good grief. i was such a nerd.

high school:

- my junior year, i became really, really restless and rebellious. (well... as rebellious as you can get at an all-girls catholic prep school). in my ap us history class, i had a love/hate relationship with my teacher, ms. littleton. she was an admitted bipolar manic depressive, but she usually loved me. however, during the semester, i started becoming a little too chatty. and she would scold me for it in front of everyone. and then, when anyone talked, even three rows away, i would get blamed for it. i began talking back to her, being a real bitch and insinuating she was crazy. then, one day, i had it. the bell rang for lunch, but she was still talking. i had already packed up my shit, so i just got up and started walking out. i don't like people wasting my time. BOY was that the wrong mofo thing to do. sounds relatively harmless, but my school was proper as hell. she kept me after class, yelled at me, called me disrepestful and offering to throw me out of class, blah blah blah. a couple of weeks later, on my report card, her comments in the *optional* comment section were "reckless, even disruptive" and i got a "needs improvement" in attitude. nice.

i guess i never really recaptured the glory of chopping off some girl's hair in preschool. nothing could ever really top that. i was basically a nerd who talked a lot and developed major attitude problems in high school. what's not to love.

yoho! an update

2006-07-30T01:15:00.000-07:00

i woke up way early this morning and was lounging in bed trying to go back to sleep when r. called me. thought about letting it go to voicemail but i picked up against my better judgement. first things out of her mouth: i don't want you to tell me "i told you so!!" even tho i really wanted to say "i can't believe you boned that cheeseball!"

apparently things w/ leather leg-clad g. went awry and she called me to bitch about it. called ME. to bitch about it. and then asked me what she should do. and then said she wished we lived closer so we could hang out more and we could pop over to each other's apartments whenever.

i want to live near you so you can snake my potential dates and then cry on my shoulder about it when shit blows up in your face. yes, that's a great idea.

coulrophilia

2006-07-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

ok, so coulrophilia is apparently actually a sexual attraction to clowns, so f*** that (but not literally)! i just wanted to throw something in there with general clownery, tomfoolery and the like. i think everything i've ever done would fall under the "i guess you had to be there" category -- story of my freakin' life.

handfarting. o, the joyous day that mine mind hath discovered this ancient art form (a.k.a. "manualism"). it was in the 8th grade, and it opened my mind to a whole new realm of possibilities on the faculties of the human body. but alas, this natural form of expression of the soul would also bring pain alongside the joy. as my torch would lead the way and light the candles of mine friends, some of the students would go on to exceed the skills of the master. ultimately, there is of course some great satisfaction in knowing that you helped to shape another mind and its evolving view of the world, to bestow upon it the ability to see through the matrix and so on, such-forth, and forth-with and blah.

the cough. (bear with me on the explanation of this one.) if you've seen your fair share of those situation comedy shows (a.k.a. "sitcoms"), chances are that you've witnessed a scene in which a righteously unfunny witticism was uttered, only to be followed by:
1. complete silence
2. the sound of a cricket chirping
3. best-case scenario: all of the above
occasionally, when these shows would feature a stand-up/improv type of situation, and the comedian's joke just wouldn't cut it, they would emphasize the audience's silence by inserting a cough that would emanate from the back of the room/crowd (done many times on le simpsons). this, i say, was the cough. mine friends and i would apply this to all possible situations, whenever conversations or statements would fall subject to a moment of silence, even if it were just long enough to squeeze one (a cough) in.

the objective was to mimic (to the best of one's ability) the type of cough that one would hear on these shows: natural, realistic and drawn out just long enough to twist like daggers in the jester's heart. just like the handfarts, as the coughing phenomenon/disease would spread, it would evolve into various strains and forms, therein losing the classic and timeless flava of the original. still, each new version would have its charms. by the end, it had evolved into what was essentially a shout (one teacher would later go on to refer to it as the bark of a seal). i don't know what else to say except that many, many good times were had.

for me, it would go on to bring me joy in the post-schoolio years. i was borne and baptised into ye olde catholic church, and yet at mass, i would show no mercy for the father (priest) and his lame attempts at wisecrackery. there would be those delicious moments of perfect silence, and i couldn't resist -- i would not hesitate to unleash the cough upon him and all that is holy. truth be told, in church i would daydream and laugh to myself about the idea of breaking wind during those moments of perfect silence; then, we would truly see who was pious enough to be able to maintain focus on prayer, and not crack a smile or giggle like a schoolgirl at the sound of the devil's bodily temptations! but nay, i was not borne with balls of brass, and that dream was never brought to fruition. however it does say in the scriptures (somewhere near the back), that one day a person will be borne with the courage to blast an outrageous fart in church, and this day would mark the beginning of the end for organized religion as we know it.

the end ... ?

all work and no play

2006-07-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

* in kindergarten i punched my best friend tessa in the stomach and had to apologize in front of the whole class.

* in 3rd grade i got kicked out of class for humming.

* in 6th grade i got kicked out of class because someone threw a book at me.

* we had this substitute teacher we hated. she was short and had assymmetrical nostrils and had a horrible annoying voice and talked to us like we were 5. we knew she was coming one day so we made up a schedule. at certain times during the class we'd do shit like bang our desks. or start the wave. or start a unified coughing fit. we made her cry. i don't think any of us felt bad tho.

* in high school i used to sneak out during 7th period bio to meet my friends in the bathroom to snort ritalin. we also used to go to the boiler room by the baseball field to smoke cigarettes. and try to sneak out past the guards when we had mid-day free periods to eat tapsilog at the tindahan right outside school.

* my friends and i made an underground zine that basically talked shit about everyone. and we talked shit about one of our close friends (who didn't know it was us) so as to deflect blame. he got pissed and asked me and another friend (co-conspirators) to start a counter zine. lawdy.

* we hated this one junior girl. i found a love letter she wrote to someone in our class. my friends made about a hundred copies and put it up all over the cafeteria.

* 7-11 was right outside school - we'd get slurpees, dump some tanduay rum in it and bring it back into school.

* in college we smoked weed everywhere: right in the middle of the soccer field in broad daylight, midnight in the dugout, in our dorm rooms. i didn't even bother w/ the dryer sheets + tp tube. i think i wanted to get kicked out.

* i worked at a lot of restaurants. i'd steal whippets out of the supply closet. drink on the job. show up drunk. etc.

eh. not so exciting.

Summer Break. For Life.

2006-07-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

it's blazin hot out lately.
in honor of the season we all used to look forward to, but now complain about, we're going to look back at why we all couldn't wait for summer: school.
The topic specifically:

your favourite trouble-making activities during school.
whether that be a repeated action you had a habit of doing or a one-time thing.
what did you do at school that would/could get you in trouble?
we got some class clowns up in this don't we?

Shout Out

2006-07-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

Sluts So Real

finally..

2006-07-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

took forever for me to finally contribute to the topic that I proposed..anyway heres one for a warm up...

literally BLOWN UPT.

sorry b..just had to...

more on a different story later..

RE: RE: yoho!

2006-07-19T16:25:00.000-07:00

yup! and it's $20 for lunch. supposedly not all things
on the menu will be out, but since it's a very good
way of promoting themselves, then what usually happens
is the other way around :D i'm sure it's gonna be
fun!!! :D there is a blackout in my neihgbourhood
since last night. my apt, the one below me and the one
across from me still have low lights but the rest are
out. CRAZY!!!!! x(( such an unnecessary thing to
happen in the summer, don't you think??????

1. hey guess what, they never throw the whole menu on a prix fixe menu.
2. and guess what else, that big blackout in 03? that was pretty much caused by all the motherfuckers in the northeast blasting their a/c 24/7.
CRAZY!!!!!!

let's see how long i can keep this up.

yoho!

2006-07-18T19:06:00.000-07:00

why do i need to know all this again?

Alexis, sorry i haven't gotten a chance to call you :(
how are you feeling now? better i hope.
i'm not feeling so well actually, the weather has been
awful and then to make it worse, it's always freezing
at work and the subways and everywhere else *sigh* for
some reason, drastic climate change makes me sicker
than ever x((

so anyway, on saturday i got to Nata's place
[valbella] right at midnight. i was planning to get
there at 11, but i got caught up with some friends at
the Beer garden in Astoria. and then Keia, Kelli and
their friend [i forgot her name] arrived about 15
minutes after me. and then we went to a bar close by
called Highline and spent the whole night there. 2 of
Nata's co-workers came out with us as well
[bartenders] and Glenn and Aram and his girlfriend
[Nata's friends as well] came out later. which i had
no idea how they found out where we were but i assumed
Aram must've called Nata because i didn't call Glenn
and all he knew was that I was with Nata at her
workplace.

anyway we had fun! :D i'm sorry you missed it though.
Keia and Kelli looked good as always, Kelli lost a lot
of weight and so excited about getting married
hakhkahkakh she said she's fallen in love with this
guy at first sight 5 years ago *aww* so his name is
Dylan but we don't know if he's white or black or
hispanic. he's from Staten Island originally and
they've been dating for a year and a half before he
popped out the question, but they've known each other
for 5 years. so kelli and Dylan will be travelling to
South America countries starting from brasil on August
2nd. she's been learning Portugese hakhkahakha and
then they're going to Argentina and all [oh! she said
they've actually been planning this travel way before
the engagement] i guess it's more perfect now
hakhkakhakhka :D oh and Nata and Jeff had their 11th
year wedding anniversary just 2 days before that :D so
it was pretty much a lot of celebrations going on
hakhkahkkahkahka

i'll send you the pictures separately. some pictures
are smaller than the others. the smaller ones are from
keia's camera. she sent me thru Snapfish and i just
dragged them out and include them in mine, that's why
it's different in size if you see them individually.
but will be all the same if you see them together in
the album :D all right, feel better! hopefully we'll
have a get together again soon, we'll see about that.

love lots
Renny

we'll see...

Speakin of Hate...

2006-07-18T18:35:00.000-07:00

Since We're Getting Slut-tastic

2006-07-16T19:35:00.000-07:00

Let's crank it up some for this oldie but yummy:

last one

2006-07-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

ok ryan said this would be relevant to the topic. some background: renny is a girl i've known for a few years, since i first moved to ny. we're pretty good friends but i just don't see her that often. natasha is a bartender we both worked with and glenn is a friend of her husband's, and they all lived in italy together years ago when they were models. okay go:

by the way, Alexis, i have 1 question and 1 confession
for you:

question — do you mind if i hang out with Glenn?
i feel bad not asking you this because i remembered
that you had a little crush on him last year at Meet
and i was absolutely trying to hook you up with him
last time we met again at the Pizza Bar :( i feel
stupid in a way because i think i'm not supposed to be
hangin out with him because of you, but you said you
don't like him and not that i said i did, but we've
been talking and he's not that bad — he's still being
stupid with his stupid jokes and being a sleezy
asshole a bit sometimes, but he's generally nice. i
think he really thinks that he's funny hkahkakhkahka
well, sometimes.

confession — we've been talking a lot on the phone!
since that night at the Pizza Bar, he called me and
he's been calling me everyday since. Natasha invited
me to her friend's July 4th party and i went and met
him again there and we were hangin out until 4 o'clock
in the morning. and then i met him again on Tuesday,
after work, he was meeting his friend at Blue Ribbon
and i came and hung out with them and then we both
went to Natasha's house and hung out there until 3
o'clock in the morning and then i met him again last
night, my friend's bachelor's party was in Professor
Thom's and he lives nearby so he stopped by and had
drinks with us, we were there until 2 o'clock

this is a bit weird. at least i feel weird about my
position with Natasha and you. Natasha has been so
worried about the idea that i'm hangin out with Glenn,
she said i need to really be careful. and about you, i
didn't think about it as much because i thought well
yeah whatever, we talk on the phone, so what? but now
that we talk everyday and we meet more often, i really
think that i should tell you. please tell me how you
feel, i feel so uncomfortable

xo \r

and yes, i slept with him *glek*

and let me end this post by saying that aforementioned glenn tried to get me to go home w/ him that night that renny allegedly tried to hook us up. thank god i didn't - i suddenly remembered the time he showed up to our restaurant in leather pants.

GLEK.

Phone Tag

2006-07-15T15:09:00.000-07:00

Seems like a lot of the ladies out there have been hurt and gone through some heart ache. Here's a little something for that:

Not quite the same as finding a $100 bill on the dresser the morning after, but you'll take it and you'll like it.

We still blowin' up spots?

2006-07-14T02:11:00.000-07:00

Date: Nov 5, 2005 7:11 AM
Subject: Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!
To: pers-109023272@craigslist.org

Hi,

I'm _________; nice to meet you, sort of. A little about myself - I'm 27, live in Astoria, but I'm from the Bronx originally.I work in the nonprofit sector and just started grad school part-time. Let's see, what else - oh, honing a talent. I started taking salsa classes back in February, so I've been pretty passionate about that, I guess you could say. I'm guessing I'm probably not as well traveled as you, but I've lived in Philly and L.A., and have been to the Philippines a few times, but outside of that have only been to Canada and Mexico. Oh, but when I moved from L.A. to Philly, I drove cross country. Does that count?

Definitely drug free, couldn't afford to be a sugar daddy even if I wanted to (see the nonprofit thing above), and definitely not a frat boy or on the rebound...

Ok, gotta run to class. Hope to hear back from you.

So, what exactly is this? MY EXs RESPONSE TO A FRIEND'S FAKE CRAIGSLIST AD MADE TO SOLICIT PERVS FOR A GRAD SCHOOL CASE STUDY. She recognized his name, then forwarded it to me to check if the attached picture was of him. And it was. A picture I took of him with my Polaroid stickypic cam a couple of years back.

Which level of "wrong" or "tacky" do i address first? To think I was supposed to marry that man. "Passionate about salsa classes?" Ew, yo! (Alexis, I am feeling you w/o feeling you.)

The Scene Seu Jorge Rio de Janeiro

2006-07-12T15:41:00.000-07:00


The Scene brings together the world's coolest cities with the personalities who know them best. The Scene travels to Rio de Janeiro to meet musician, actor and "City of God" star Seu Jorge and explore the musical sights and sounds of the legendary Brazilian city.

Bros Before Hoes

2006-07-12T15:28:00.000-07:00


Always look out for #1

Opening the slanderous, libelous gates of hell: The hate begins!

2006-07-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

Sadly, no original/personal touch to this post :\ But I imagine this will soon be rife with hate, and people's respective spots getting blowed up:
DontDateHimGirl.com

On the lighter side of sports: FC Barcelona is apparently coming to LA. Some kind of ticket dealy here for Time Warner customers, crony! barcausa2006.com

elementary, my dear sluts

2006-07-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

i'd been dating this guy for about 5+ years. we'd been living together for most of that. i had a retirement plan, his family loved me, my family loved him, etc etc etc. so we move to new york and bullshit just took over. i worked nights and he worked days. for the first time in the course of our relationship we had different groups of friends and started not seeing so much of each other. i could feel things shifting but i didn't really want to admit to myself that it was really happening.

until i found the email. we were supposed to watch lost in translation and he was in the bathroom taking a dump. we shared a computer and he was logged on so i decided to take a peek - don't asked me why i did it, i just felt like i had to. there was an email to the girl - some skinny white vegetarian bitch at work. i printed it out (for evidence i guess) and then went straight to the bathroom and banged on the door. he must've sucked it up real quick because not 30 seconds later he was out. i proceeded to scream at him, punching and kicking. not a pretty sight. we officially broke up end of september. our lease didn't end until end of january. we didn't even last 1 year in new york.

it doesn't end there. their bdays are both in november. he went away one weekend to boston, saying he was staying w/ a coworker and his family. and then came back, saying he had taken some really great photos. so i wanted to see them. but he kept telling me they weren't uploaded yet. how fucking long does it take to upload photos? so guess what i did. and guess what they were. oh shit. so i asked him again. and he was like "they're not ready yet." and i said "hey guess what, i saw them already." his face fell off.

in the month leading up to xmas i was in full psycho mode. i was checking his hotmail account at least once a day. i saw itineraries and e-tickets for a flight out to washington state for xmas (to be w/ girl and her family) and i decided to ask him if he had any xmas plans. "not yet." mind you, we were still living in our apt together at this time. so xmas eve he just takes off w/o a word to anyone. and i emailed him all kinds of terrible shit - i hope your plane crashes, etc etc etc.

fast forward to february-ish. we're both living in brooklyn at our respective shitholes. i got a gift on valentine's day - flowers and the boardgame SORRY! which i guess would be pretty sweet if i hadn't caught him in lies+100. i made him beg, i made him cry. but after all that shit i kicked him to the curb. now he's in san francisco living w/ another white girl that all our friends think is wrong for him and i'm still in bk, happy as a pig in a shithole.

in retrospect, i can understand why he wanted to end things but it would've been much cooler of him to be straight up about it.

end.

i ain't goin' out like that.

2006-07-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

okay... so i've had some errors in judgment when it comes to the mens... one in particular. i decided to give the 'nice guy' [that i was not too attracted to at first] a chance, seeing how my superficial tendencies have not served me well.

so anyways, i start dating this guy, whatever. about a month into it, when i am starting to like him as a person and overlook his lack of style and WASPy-ness, he basically bails. stops calling, avoids me in school, etc.

well... homey don't play that. he had no idea who he was dealing with.

soon after, at a bar reivew [ = weekly law school event at different bars] yours truly went out looking especially cute, got really drunk, and maddogged whitey the whole night. but it does not stop there... as luck would have it, he chose that night to finally come try to talk to me, ultra-cas, like "hey what's up? how've you been" type of shit.

so... i proceed to basically call him out on everything. how he had been avoiding me. how HE had been the one who asked ME out. how I did not want to really get involved, but HE pursued it. how I had not been the one making all the plans and speaking in relationship-talk. mind you, i did all of this with a calm demeanor and didn't roll my neck once. everytime he would try to say something - kaBLow, shot down. nope, no way. 'you're weak' --'you're an asshole' -- 'what the hell was your problem' -- 'um, i never wanted anything from you anyway.' etc.

this might not all sound so spectacular... but lemme tell you, it felt nice doing it. after that - no fucking polite smiles at school, no me-trying-to-be-the-bigger person. done-zo.

p.s. as a reminder to myself - and to all the other ladies i know - i came up with a new list of rules for myself. read and admire:

"i am no longer going out with anyone shorter than me, less cute than me, less cool than me, whiter than me, more conservative than me, sloppier than me, with a bigger appetite than me, more pretentious than me, who drinks more than me, or who is in the same year of law school as me, who has no fucking style."

done and done.

(man... feels good even remembering it!)

2-for-1

2006-07-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

In health class, we were on the chapter about the human reproductive system. Andrea saw the picture of the lady-vaj and asked, "Why is it pink?"

Ms. Felton, our health teacher, perplexed, said, "What do you mean, baby?"

To which Andrea replied, "But mine's purple...."

Class cracks up.

Word gets around. My two best friends at the time ask for details on the purplevaj incident.

Hanalei: Yeah can you believe she said that shit? I guess that's what happens when your parents don't go to college.

Friend 1: Uhhhh...my parents didn't go to college. They just "super" the apartment building where we live.

Friend 2: Yeh. Mine didn't either and own a restaurant.

Hanalei: Oh. Well. That's different. Because....it's like they wanted to do that.

So what if I am elitist and SLOPPPPPY ?!?!?!?111?!1

i got it from my mom

2006-07-07T17:08:00.000-07:00

i just remembered this story.

i was a kid shopping at marshall's with my parents. we were waiting in line to pay when my mom picked up a pair of shoes that someone had left in the endcap in front of the cashier. she laughed and said

BIG FOOT

then she put the shoes down.

The lady in front of us picked up the shoes and then stares down my mom. They were her shoes!

My dad was so embarrassed but then my mom just started jabbering in tagalog like "Well it's her fault for leaving them there for someone to pick up. She's the one with big feet!" I just stood behind my parents and laughed. That shit was classic.

foot in my mouth

2006-07-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

So in honor of this entry I shall picture of my high school friend's baby with her foot in her mouth.

In high school I seemed to do this a lot. Here are 2 examples that I can recall.

example one) there was this girl who had foul breath. it was seriously harsh, straight halitosis. she wasn't a popular girl, due to the halitosis, but she wished she was. so she would put out like no ones business. during chemistry class i was talking shit about how rank this chick's breath was...and she walked up right to the conversation. i didn't even stop. i think i said something like

"damn Rank Breath girl is killin me! she needs to get that shit checked with her dentist. it's probably halitosis!"

her face turned bright red. she laughed it off. all the people who were with me stared at me like WTF i can't believe you just said that. when rank breath girl left our group they said "wtf i can't believe you just said that!" and my response "like you wasn't thinking it!"

example two) i remember my senior year of high school we'd hang out after school just shootin the shit at the picnic tables before we'd go home, go to some sports practice, or go smoke cigarettes down the street. one day we were just sitting there when this annoying freshman girl who had a crush on one of my friends came up and started talking to us. she had the annoying high pitch cutsie voice. i couldn't stand the sound of her voice. when i would hear her in the halls i wanted to slap her, the fact that she was in front of me attempting a conversation was just killing me. and then the words came out of my mouth,

"Is that your real voice?"

She looked shocked.

"I'm serious. Do you really talk like that?"

She asked me "What are you talking about? Of course this is my real voice!"

I didn't believe her so I kept asking

"Are you sure that's your real voice? You're not gonna walk away and then all of a sudden talk in a normal pitch? Your voice is ALWAYS this high?"

"YEAHHHH" she squeaked.

Some of my friends had the WTF face at me. Others walked away laughing because they couldn't believe I had said it. I rolled my eyes and decided to bounce. I'm pretty sure I had homework to procrastinate doing at someone elses house.

the end

I Ain't No Snitch... BUT...

2006-07-07T01:02:00.000-07:00

we used to call this chick "Ass Girl" in high school because she was the "horse of the horses" so to speak, i.e. her posterior was in thoroughbred condition. on one of the numerous occassions we brought a video camera to school (back before they clamped down on such an activity) we were filming her walk and thangs by her locker. then i turned the camera on one of my friends when another friend then exclaimed, "el! don't waste the battery, motherfucker!!" i got the hint, and turned the camera back to Ass Girl who, unfortunately, had turned to notice the camera i was holding and currently pointing in her direction. spot blown. i tried to play it off or whatever, but i'm sure she knew. but best believe we recorded her walking away!

for more late 90's HS fashion, here's one we can laugh at now:

kaboom.

2006-07-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

Ryan is pregnant with alien.

Caught Out There

2006-07-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

K guys, new topic...putting people on blast.
Either and or:

1) Talk about a time when you just totally blew someones spot up. Completely embarassed, called out, whatevers, ensuing fights and drama and what not. Whether it be at church, in public, on the internets...whatevers..

2)Put someone out there right here on QLAQ. Its summer folks, lets drop bombs like Flex.

I'll share in a lil while..

Fog/Black Olive Lazer

2006-07-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

2006-06-29T13:43:00.000-07:00

Summer Sluttin Cont.

2006-06-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

Wine Country.

Good food. Alcohol in the wine. Free cheese (not from the govt).

Where to next?

Summer Sluttin

2006-06-20T13:16:00.000-07:00

How sluts do in the summer.

Do sluts how in the summer?

GRAW

2006-06-19T06:49:00.000-07:00

so i've been MIA. but i have been putting my video games to use. we play the DS daily. shes big on the brain/ puzzle games. i just play Ghost Recon Advance Warfighter (why such a long ass title?). that shit online is the greatest. but what would this entry be without some hate? MY FUCKING xbox360 FREEZES when i play for extended periods (like an hour plus). I got the Pelican Fan Stand and my power brick is floating (zip tied it and have it hanging from a bracket). Anyone know if the INTERCOOLER is any good?

if you play GRAW online get at me. MyNamesMeToo.

*p

Lite and Brite!

2006-06-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

she got me a DS Lite!

oh shit...

2006-06-11T16:48:00.000-07:00

it's the mothafuckin thowback...check the glasses and the tshart.

best of summer this weekend: shopping, cupcakes and wtfbbq.

repeat.

vous savez que c'est un été où

2006-06-05T11:15:00.000-07:00

*it's hotter than the devil's crotch in the valley

*pants no longer exist in the wardrobe, only skirts and shorts

*all i wanna do is sit in a freezer

*before it was "i need to find a new job" now it's "yay i'm getting the fuck outta here!"

*star shoes every saturday night

*never turning the ac off in the house

*graduation season

*its so hot all i want to do is sleep

i know that you'll recognize it's summertime

2006-06-03T16:45:00.000-07:00

* you get on the subway and you want to puke because it smells like feet and stale sweat.

* you take three showers a day and still feel disgusting.

* central park summerstage - shitty soundsystem, ashy feet and $5 fries.

* you up your tourist-dodging game.

* road trips in effect.

* siren music festival - more shitty soundsystems, ashy feet and $5 fries, except now you're really far from home.

* big apple bbq - stand in line for 2 hrs, snarf a huge plate of bbq, puke. repeat.

* gay pride - HAAAAYY!

etc etc amen.

it's summer when you grow wool from paper.

2006-06-03T11:48:00.000-07:00

ring in the season with the "amazing sheep" toy, yotches.

(that shit looks like chicharonnnne!)

Topic Announcement: Summer Summer Summertime

2006-06-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

Inspired by my CREPESSSSSSSSSSSSS post, let's talk about the season upon us.

You know it's summer when...

i got crepessssssssssssssssssss

2006-06-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

'danas and shirts.
straight silliness
whut it dew
holla atcha girl
next project: dinosaurs vs space invader or dinosaur vs man
just send me the design cashmoney
and i'll make the steekers
it's summer
it's on

2006-05-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

As requested by the El..updated pic..

yeareview

2006-05-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

just an fyi, materials coming. hopefully you guys can expect a small item from qlaq east heading your way..

Happy Birffffday Bitches

2006-05-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

has it really been one year??? goddamn.

name one thing i disliked but has grown on me? all you fuckers! jk jk

i used to not talk to this one chick i worked with. i didn't really get to talk to her because she sat on the other side of the office. right before she quit countrywide we started to hang out and would go to lunch. eventually she's turned into a good friend. when we do work friend dinners, she hosts them at her house and everything.

first we had shirts. then we had the bandanas. what's next? CS newera's??? I'm going to try and to more research on this.

It Should Come As No Surprise

2006-05-17T02:33:00.000-07:00

I've always had this theory: All white people who aren't Country Western fans are at least closet wiggers, if not overt ones. You know, they use the "N" word, but only when black people aren't around. They rap along to rap music in their car until a minority pulls up next to them. They incorporate street slang when they talk to their friends, leading to bastardized terms like the popular "homey G". You know, the usual wigger things.

However, a couple of weeks ago, I ended up at a club that was mostly white people. The above is, of course, true, but there is something that I overlooked that surfaced itself almost as a revelation of sorts:

White people are still white people.

As much as they try to act black at times, they're still honkies. Case in point: the DJ starts his set off with some Jay-Z ("PSA" if you must know), and there was an "awwww shiiiit" type of getting down to the song. As the set progressed, however, the disc jockey strayed further and further from this end of the spectrum. This is when it all started unraveling itself to me. The DJ was playing classic rock and 80's rock songs and all that and the crowd was going nuts. There was so much muscle white boy dancing going on around me, it was hard to stay focused on anything. Then, if it wasn't already obvious, the kicker had to be when the crowd LOST IT to Kelly Clarkson's "Since You Been Gone." That's when it all beat me on the head - I was surrounded by white people. These same people who danced to Jay-Z and sang along to "I Got 5 On It" were going BALLISTIC for "Since You Been Gone." It was so taken for granted. White people are still white.

The DJs and MC weren't however. The DJ was black and so was the MC who was wearing a sweatsuit and had long dreads. At first, I was like YO WTFBBQ??? But it didn't take long for it to dawn on me that this is how they get white girls, so I wasn't gonna hate on the playa or the game. Don't knock the hustle and whatnot. Even though the dude was a dork, but whatever, that's what white girls go for, since they're a bit more approachable/funny to them.

That night was realer than any chappelle show commentary to me, but maybe that's because i've been inundated with reruns. Either way, it's something to not forget. They're Bros not Brothas.